Why All Fashion is Inevitably Pointless

There’s one thing that I profess I know very little about –  fashion.  Fashion has never been something that I have ever given much thought to.  To my knowledge and the knowledge of people around me I have always dressed fairly middle-of-the-roadish, comfortably plain and simple, though not necessarily conservative because that then drums up an image of an Evangelical priest who’s on his first date with a minor, but anyway my style is particularly low-key casual.  I stick with blue as my primary colour with the occasional white shirt thrown in happily for good measure.  I don’t care about clothes or read fashion magazines because I can’t be bothered and there’s too many adverts.

But… there are some things in fashion that really piss me off.

Firstly and this is a given, men who wear pink shirts.  There is absolutely no place in society for a grown man to wear anything that is pink, not even if they are signalling that they are gay.  The only time a male can get away with donning pink clothing is if he is a newborn baby and his poor simple-minded parents believed that Gad Almightie would deliver to them a girl, thus they had then gone out and spent several £100 on everything pink.

People who dress ‘Gangsta‘ should be boiled in hot water and then covered head-to-toe in red pepper.  There really is no point to looking like a toss.  The baggy basketball top (arguably the most pointless sport, only beaten by ‘handball’ and ‘speed walking’) the untied trainers, (an accident waiting to happen) and knockoff  bling jewellry where they have their name dangling from their necks because they are too retarded to remember their own puerile gangsta name.

Continuing from gangsta, probably my most hated fashion faux pas is anybody who wears a baseball in any other position other than straight-forward, which actually serves a purpose of blocking out the sun.  I can’t go into words how annoying I find it, but I have been known to be violently sick for several days after seeing such a sight.  Wear it properly for heaven’s sake!

I have an astronomical problem with sunglasses, in that if it is night-time there can be absolutely no point in wearing sunglasses.  The only reason I can come up with is if you are blind, but even then it still boils up under my skin considerably.  And if you’re talking to someone, don’t be a rude ignorant moron who’s only contribution to the human race will be to die in the Darwin Awards. Be courteous – take them off!

Other things on my imaginary list include socks with sandals, dead animal furnovelty ties and having a mullet when it isn’t 1986!