The Royal Wedding Royal Rumble!

Cover of "Royal Wedding"

Cover of Royal Wedding

It is arguably the biggest event in the 2011 calendar that very few of us give a bloody toss about.  It has been spread across the tabloids like a baby’s early breakfast getting splashed across the kitchen table!  Prince William and his bride to be Kate (middle-class) Middleton are chewing up News coverage like a hungry wolf chews up a young fledgeling.  Nowhere is safe from the reminder of this ‘Royal Wedding,’ an event that is sure to cost the general public significantly.

It is being branded as the wedding of the year, but that is just a way to sell newspapers.  Every year there is a famous wedding and Will and Kate are just like all the other celebrities that think the general public really give a hoot in hell about what happens on their alleged ‘special day’.  To be honest you can’t blame them, for all intents and purposes they themselves would probably prefer a quiet one.  I mean who in their right mind would choose to be photographed over a billion times in one day and be seen by approximately eighty trillion people? It is just another celebrity wedding where the pitiful peasants of the working class can go ‘ohh’ and ‘ahh’ and realise that their life is completely worthless because they don’t have TV cameras and a magazine deal to tell you how great you are!

America is showing more interest in this than we are and thankfully they are willing to come over here to the UK and put their full support behind the two.  The Americans sure do love the pomp and procession of it all, probably because the closest thing they have have to a Royal Wedding is ‘My Super Sweet 16.’  Let them come in their droves, spend their cash and let them eat cake!

Any celebrity wedding is not complete without a mob of just as irritating socialites.  David and Victoria Beckham, David Cameron and Nick Clegg, Madonna and Guy Ritchie (their own marriage ended in divorce).  Famous people from the world of sport of which I can’t be bothered to mention, look it up yourself you lazy bastards, I’ll have no lists here!  They have also invited several impecunious people like children from poor backgrounds, so when they return home they can see how much their parents really do live in the gutter.

Anyway,more importantly, how much will this shindig cost the British public?  Well, for the security of the whole thing, including police officers being paid double-time; it is a bank holiday after all, and then the money for closing off the route from Westminster to Buckingham Palace, is reckoned to be between £20-£25million.  But the cost to the economy is expected to be upperwards of £6billion in loss of productivity due to it being an unscheduled bank holiday, plus it is presumed that over the Easter period where there are four holidays in total, the public will take extras days off or call in sick to make the most of it.  It must the said that the predicted revenue from tourism will reach £1billion, which brings the cost down.  It’s all those ‘knock-off’ china plates being sold in every shop on Oxford Street doing that.

Is it worth it?  I mean the Royal family don’t have a good track record when it comes to staying married, but actually statistics published in the Office for National Statistics has shown that the divorce rate in the UK has continually dropped over the last few years.  And another determining factor is that Will, unlike his father and brother, is not a complete bastard!

I say good luck to the pair of them and wish them, but no one else, all the best.