Wayne Rooney is not Camera Shy!

Manchester United’s talented, but tainted Wayne ‘down the drain’ Rooney faces a two-game suspension for swearing into a camera and offending several parents and children who were at home watching West Ham v Man Utd.  In a game of passion he clearly had too much blood crawling through his veins, I mean how dare he say the F-word on TV, I don’t even have a clue what the F-word is!

After scoring from a penalty he gayly jumped up and down with his comrades celebrating a wonderful kick into a big net, all his friends were so happy with his kicking they joyfully rubbed their crotches up and down him.  He seemed to enjoy this, but then the big bad wolf suddenly spotted a camera pointed at him and in a fit of anger which is only associated with 3am on a Saturday night, he yelled ‘F*%k!’

Clearly too much has been made of this incident.  First and foremost ‘Rooooooney!‘ could be considered fairly skillful with a ball, in a kind of simple-minded kitten with a dead mouse situation, i.e. they have their skill, let them do their thing.  He is passionate about football we can all clearly this as he runs aimlessly around a football pitch for 90-minutes, but then again most footballers run aimlessly around the pitch because there is only one rotten ball and twenty-two people trying to dribble on it, I think they get paid to do this, though still unsure.

The real problem with this whole story is that every week we see footballers do far worse things on the pitch.  We see them spit their lungs out onto the turf, bringing up all manner of early life forms, actually that makes me feel nauseous just writing it.  We see them hug and jump and bounce on one another when they score and worse of all we see countless players diving and cheating their way through the game trying to get penalties and getting other player sent off.  This is far worse than any four-letter word.  And talking of four-letter words we can all clearly lip read anyway, we all see the players cursing and swearing when they shoot and miss, like they actually believe punting the ball as hard as they could would do anything but deflate it!  They then deliver a barrage of words that would more suited to a Scorsese movie or from a drunken salacious aunt, but viewers don’t get offended at that, why not?  Is it because you can’t hear it?  Well what about those 45,000 fans who continue to insinuate that the referee likes nothing more than to masturbate?  Surely they should be banned for two games as well, surely, no?  Is it because Wayne Rooney is in the public domain, well what about all the other people who swear on TV, Gordon Ramsey, yes? no? oh he works in a kitchen and chefs are stressed, well it’s stressful being a footballer I guess and especially for someone like Wayne whose limited and quite frankly struggling vocabulary can’t – find – the – right – words – to – say.  See it’s not easy.

I think the real reason why people didn’t like is because they saw someone showing their true emotion, someone whose fire was burning like a Japanese nuclear power station (perhaps too soon), someone whose rage was balancing on a knife-edge, someone who was letting go of that little voice inside and saying: “FUCK THE DAILY MAIL!”